Many new Dads haven't really been prepared for baby days and, unless they have a baby brother or sister have little or no experience of touching, holding and engaging a baby.
Pre-birth.
Bubble the Bump! Take a bath or shower with mum regularly, washing the bump with plenty of soothing soap bubbles and feeling the different shapes and size as the pregnancy develops gives a real sense of closeness to baby. After bathing wrap the bump and baby with a shawl or blanket that you will wrap baby in when it arrives and don't forget to cuddle mum.
Kiss baby through the bump. Give baby a good talking to. Getting your face and especially your lips up close and personal and talking and singing through the bump lets baby feel your vibrations and starts the bonding process.
Go to all of the scans and pre-natal visits. Get involved, ask questions. When the doctor/midwife feels around ask what they are feeling for and if you can follow their example and feel what they feel.
Plan your after birth responsibilities. Who's going to be the main carrer? Who's going to go out to earn the corn? Get the home ready and allow yourself the time to imagine and act out baby scenes. Well before baby is born get the house baby friendly get it warmed up for baby. It needs to be clean, tidy, organised and above all calm. Feng Shui can help here.
At the birth.
Be ever ready. Make a birthing bag up that you can grab and take with you. baby's blanket should be there along with something to read or do whilst you are waiting. Keep calm and reassuring for Mum.
Hands on, not hands off. Get that baby in your arms straight away. If you aren't sure about how to hold a tiny child get some time in beforehand if you can. Hold friends and family babies or practice with a doll or better still an age appropriate Teddy that you will give to baby.
At home.
Don't hand over the newborn to mum and expect her to 'get on with it'. Mum is no different than you. You are both natural baby makers, but parenting is a life learning skill. As with any skill you need time on the job so get stuck in. Understand that as parents you will make mistakes and have to change your position as you find what works best. It's been said that we are 'born with brain that is a ball of confusion and that what we are exposed to early in our lives sets us up for life'. Keep it calm, loving an happy.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Monday, 13 December 2010
Child Contact at Christmas
14 December 2010
MISSING YOUR CHILDREN THIS CHRISTMAS?
This Christmas, more than 750,000 children in the UK will not have any contact at all with one of their birth parents – not even a card. A new website, mychildcontact.com, launches next week to help parents, grandparents and birth parents find responsible, valuable advice and guidance on how to make contact with their loved ones.
According to new ONS figures, there are 1,768,000 lone parent households with an average of 1.85 children per household, in the UK. An Omnibus survey revealed that of the children who are living without one of their parents, 23 per cent have no contact with them at all. That’s a staggering 752,284 children in the UK today, who have no contact at all with an absent parent.
With remarriages and co-habitation clouding the figures, court-appointed Children’s Guardian and co-founder of mychildcontact.com, Kenn Griffiths, fears the real figure could be more than 1.5 million. “Everyone knows someone who has been affected by child contact issues. For both child and parent, losing contact can be emotionally devastating, and it can be an incredibly difficult, time-consuming and expensive problem to resolve. In my role, working with parents and children, I could see that they desperately needed an online resource that could provide them with somewhere to turn and a chance to be heard,” claimed Kenn.
Mychildcontact.com is a free resource for adults looking to resolve access issues. The forum provides an open discussion area for issues with legislation, the role of social services and the courts, societal bias and the opportunity to share experiences. A virtual postbox and services directory helps direct parents towards the best support and advice.
The unique Life Story Legacy service gives parents who have been denied access the chance to leave a record of their life, information relevant to their child or their side of the story, in a secure vault protected by Iron Mountain, for release when their child reaches 18 or 21.
Founder Kenn Griifiths said: “Mychildcontact.com is a vital resource for the thousands of parents and family members in the UK who are unable to make contact with their children. The pain, heartache and potential repercussions for parents and children denied access to each other is vast. Legal aid budgets are being cut in this time of austerity, and social services are looking for cost-cutting solutions to child contact issues, so it’s essential that we lobby government on behalf of mothers, fathers and grandparents to make the system fairer for all.”
Mychildcontact.com is backing World Child Contact Day on 20 March 2011, which has been set up to highlight the plight of the millions of families who are torn apart by access, custody and contact issues around the world. Fronted by Kenn Griffiths, the campaign will promote the right and wrong ways to make contact, highlight the dangers of using social networks to make contact and examine high profile cases of abduction or murder.
MISSING YOUR CHILDREN THIS CHRISTMAS?
This Christmas, more than 750,000 children in the UK will not have any contact at all with one of their birth parents – not even a card. A new website, mychildcontact.com, launches next week to help parents, grandparents and birth parents find responsible, valuable advice and guidance on how to make contact with their loved ones.
According to new ONS figures, there are 1,768,000 lone parent households with an average of 1.85 children per household, in the UK. An Omnibus survey revealed that of the children who are living without one of their parents, 23 per cent have no contact with them at all. That’s a staggering 752,284 children in the UK today, who have no contact at all with an absent parent.
With remarriages and co-habitation clouding the figures, court-appointed Children’s Guardian and co-founder of mychildcontact.com, Kenn Griffiths, fears the real figure could be more than 1.5 million. “Everyone knows someone who has been affected by child contact issues. For both child and parent, losing contact can be emotionally devastating, and it can be an incredibly difficult, time-consuming and expensive problem to resolve. In my role, working with parents and children, I could see that they desperately needed an online resource that could provide them with somewhere to turn and a chance to be heard,” claimed Kenn.
Mychildcontact.com is a free resource for adults looking to resolve access issues. The forum provides an open discussion area for issues with legislation, the role of social services and the courts, societal bias and the opportunity to share experiences. A virtual postbox and services directory helps direct parents towards the best support and advice.
The unique Life Story Legacy service gives parents who have been denied access the chance to leave a record of their life, information relevant to their child or their side of the story, in a secure vault protected by Iron Mountain, for release when their child reaches 18 or 21.
Founder Kenn Griifiths said: “Mychildcontact.com is a vital resource for the thousands of parents and family members in the UK who are unable to make contact with their children. The pain, heartache and potential repercussions for parents and children denied access to each other is vast. Legal aid budgets are being cut in this time of austerity, and social services are looking for cost-cutting solutions to child contact issues, so it’s essential that we lobby government on behalf of mothers, fathers and grandparents to make the system fairer for all.”
Mychildcontact.com is backing World Child Contact Day on 20 March 2011, which has been set up to highlight the plight of the millions of families who are torn apart by access, custody and contact issues around the world. Fronted by Kenn Griffiths, the campaign will promote the right and wrong ways to make contact, highlight the dangers of using social networks to make contact and examine high profile cases of abduction or murder.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Children must be protected from Cafcass
The leading Professional Association for Children’s Guardians and Family Court Advisors NAGALRO have spoken out about the failings of Cafcass.
NAGALRO’s Chair Ann Hague, reflecting on a Government report early in November said “we agree with the Public Accounts Committee that Cafcass is unfit for purpose. Cafcass has consistently failed to deliver the service the law requires for children. Its very expensive management has failed over a long period to provide the timely service that that vulnerable children need.”
Cafcass management have stated that they have “greatly reduced” their waiting lists and have still maintained strong safeguarding for vulnerable children. Their practitioners give a different account explaining to me in recent conversations that they have been forced to conduct much of their work on the telephone. Children have not been seen or properly assessed. The service has adopted a ‘watching brief’ model that takes no account of the need for continuity in the case, leaving children without adequate protection at a time of crisis in their lives.
Children and Family solicitors I’ve interviewed who are regularly appointed by Cafcass’s Children’s Guardians are well aware of the danger to children. Unfortunately many of these lawyers rely on their ‘friendship’ with Cafcass for their day-to-day work and collude with this failing service. Those having the strength to stand up for the rights of children can be left ‘out-in-the-cold’, effectively gagged by powerful paymasters.
“It is the best interests of children that is the paramount consideration here, not the best interests of Cafcass the organisation. Children’s voices are being silenced by the very agency that should be listening to them and ensuring that the court knows what is happening to them. Above all we must preserve the important role that protects children, even if we have to create a new way of delivering it.”
NAGALRO’s Chair Ann Hague, reflecting on a Government report early in November said “we agree with the Public Accounts Committee that Cafcass is unfit for purpose. Cafcass has consistently failed to deliver the service the law requires for children. Its very expensive management has failed over a long period to provide the timely service that that vulnerable children need.”
Cafcass management have stated that they have “greatly reduced” their waiting lists and have still maintained strong safeguarding for vulnerable children. Their practitioners give a different account explaining to me in recent conversations that they have been forced to conduct much of their work on the telephone. Children have not been seen or properly assessed. The service has adopted a ‘watching brief’ model that takes no account of the need for continuity in the case, leaving children without adequate protection at a time of crisis in their lives.
Children and Family solicitors I’ve interviewed who are regularly appointed by Cafcass’s Children’s Guardians are well aware of the danger to children. Unfortunately many of these lawyers rely on their ‘friendship’ with Cafcass for their day-to-day work and collude with this failing service. Those having the strength to stand up for the rights of children can be left ‘out-in-the-cold’, effectively gagged by powerful paymasters.
“It is the best interests of children that is the paramount consideration here, not the best interests of Cafcass the organisation. Children’s voices are being silenced by the very agency that should be listening to them and ensuring that the court knows what is happening to them. Above all we must preserve the important role that protects children, even if we have to create a new way of delivering it.”
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Family Court Experts and Emotional Abuse
Professionals v Experts
On Thursday 11th November 2010 The Times journalist Camilla Cavendish commented on the use of ‘experts’ in Children Act proceedings. She made the point that some experts do not spend enough time with the parties to make a full and proper assessment. I can’t disagree with this but in my experience it is not only ‘some experts’ but many professionals around the case that don’t spend enough time to draw together a good qualified report. Local Authority reports, which are used as the starting point of proceedings often lack clarity, are ill-prepared, follow a template format and are rarely compiled with a thorough investigation of the facts.
Although I have concerns about the effectiveness of CAFCASS and their management, having worked for them I do believe that they are often used too late in proceedings. Many Family Court Advisors are former Local Authority social workers working in the same Geographical areas that they have worked in for years and as such ‘play the professional game’, failing to challenge their former social work colleagues who have prepared very poor early social work assessments.
Judges rely too much on the belief that those preparing and placing reports before them have actually taken the time to investigate the background to cases and form an opinion that is best for the children. Lawyers working in Children and Family proceedings know that the reports supplied by the ‘professionals’ are flawed and so for the sake of their client they ask for Expert Opinion. This comes late in the proceedings and there is a rush to get the case through the system in the time allowed. Experts who challenge the Local Authority regularly can be seen as a problem for them and they often refuse to have a particular expert allocated, agreeing to one that they do not see as challenging or problematic. For the sake of expediency and good relations ‘on the court steps’ agreements between the professionals and lawyers as to who they will accept means that the expert will be someone who will not ‘rock the boat’ and therefore, in my opinion will not properly investigate and assess in a robust and totally unbiased way.
On Thursday 11th November 2010 The Times journalist Camilla Cavendish commented on the use of ‘experts’ in Children Act proceedings. She made the point that some experts do not spend enough time with the parties to make a full and proper assessment. I can’t disagree with this but in my experience it is not only ‘some experts’ but many professionals around the case that don’t spend enough time to draw together a good qualified report. Local Authority reports, which are used as the starting point of proceedings often lack clarity, are ill-prepared, follow a template format and are rarely compiled with a thorough investigation of the facts.
Although I have concerns about the effectiveness of CAFCASS and their management, having worked for them I do believe that they are often used too late in proceedings. Many Family Court Advisors are former Local Authority social workers working in the same Geographical areas that they have worked in for years and as such ‘play the professional game’, failing to challenge their former social work colleagues who have prepared very poor early social work assessments.
Judges rely too much on the belief that those preparing and placing reports before them have actually taken the time to investigate the background to cases and form an opinion that is best for the children. Lawyers working in Children and Family proceedings know that the reports supplied by the ‘professionals’ are flawed and so for the sake of their client they ask for Expert Opinion. This comes late in the proceedings and there is a rush to get the case through the system in the time allowed. Experts who challenge the Local Authority regularly can be seen as a problem for them and they often refuse to have a particular expert allocated, agreeing to one that they do not see as challenging or problematic. For the sake of expediency and good relations ‘on the court steps’ agreements between the professionals and lawyers as to who they will accept means that the expert will be someone who will not ‘rock the boat’ and therefore, in my opinion will not properly investigate and assess in a robust and totally unbiased way.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Baby Peter Report
The news that every agency is to blame for Baby Peter’s death leads me to ask a simple question. Where was the lead agency in this case? In every child protection case, one agency should take responsibility for sharing information effectively between all agencies, and it’s usually the local authority. Without communication and coordination, social workers are unlikely to gain access at the right time, or find themselves on the front line, without the knowledge they need.
I’m sure that every frontline member of staff, from the police to the social worker, who came into contact with Baby Peter, knows that more could have been done. But how can one person make up for the lack of communication that has plagued this case? I believe strongly that the local authority should have been responsible and that without their leadership, it was impossible to protect Baby Peter.
Working alone, many social workers knock on a door and fear for their own safety when the door is answered. No-one takes on this type of work without a strong personal motivation to help others, but even this can be superseded if a social worker is faced with danger and threats to their personal safety. Often the fear takes over and they can fail to challenge the family of the child effectively enough. Is this the right atmosphere in which to make profound and emotive decisions about a child’s welfare?
It’s clear that changes are needed. A central place for this sensitive information to be stored, shared and accessed is essential, and the Government urgently needs to find an effective solution. Social workers should no longer be handling these cases alone – it should be standard practice for two people to work on a case, providing the support they need to make the most appropriate judgements in these difficult, disturbing and challenging cases.
I’m sure that every frontline member of staff, from the police to the social worker, who came into contact with Baby Peter, knows that more could have been done. But how can one person make up for the lack of communication that has plagued this case? I believe strongly that the local authority should have been responsible and that without their leadership, it was impossible to protect Baby Peter.
Working alone, many social workers knock on a door and fear for their own safety when the door is answered. No-one takes on this type of work without a strong personal motivation to help others, but even this can be superseded if a social worker is faced with danger and threats to their personal safety. Often the fear takes over and they can fail to challenge the family of the child effectively enough. Is this the right atmosphere in which to make profound and emotive decisions about a child’s welfare?
It’s clear that changes are needed. A central place for this sensitive information to be stored, shared and accessed is essential, and the Government urgently needs to find an effective solution. Social workers should no longer be handling these cases alone – it should be standard practice for two people to work on a case, providing the support they need to make the most appropriate judgements in these difficult, disturbing and challenging cases.
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Violent Videos and Children
Tomorrow morning on BBC Radio Stoke at 8 am I will be talking about the possible effects violent computer games may have on children's development and perception. In the recent past I have worked on several cases and murders where children have used stamping on the head as part of the attack. Many of the games I've seen have used this technique and I honestly believe that many kids don't see the actual damage and danger of assault. You've only got to look at the mobile phone videos of children using violence and then thinking that it is acceptable to allow the world to view the bullying of vulnerable kids.
Why not listen in tomorrow or better still let me know what your thoughts are.
Email me on kenn@mychildcontact.com
Why not listen in tomorrow or better still let me know what your thoughts are.
Email me on kenn@mychildcontact.com
Monday, 20 September 2010
About Us
My Child Contact.com is the practice based arm of Spring
Garden Consultancy Limited.
Established in 1994 as part of Select Associates International Investigators Spring Garden consultancy’s role was to deliver specialised children and family based investigations and follow up therapy and training to individuals and organisations experiencing dysfunction and organisational disorder. Our dynamic and challenging solution focussed approach has been widely acclaimed as one of the most successful problem solving, trouble shooting models in use today. We have a flexible and imaginative approach that can be specifically tailored to address the issues needed to bring about positive outcomes.
There is no exact shape to our work; it will be slightly different every time. The success relies on this ‘change of shape’ approach which underpins the whole of our team’s work.
Our director, Kenneth J Griffiths has 27 years experience as a Children and Families Social Worker. Qualified in Dispute Resolution, he has investigated and been involved in many child abduction cases. He has acted as expert witness on numerous occasions and has been used by the Children and Family Court Advisory And Support Service (CAFCASS) in Staffordshire and by their Difficult Contact Section in London.
As a Solution Focussed Therapist Kenn’s vision permeates the whole of Spring Garden Consultancy’s practice and policies. Trained by Europe’s leading therapy training organisation ‘BRIEF Therapy Practice’, he uses his unique skills to bring about positive change in a wide variety of situations with individuals, families, businesses and private and public organisations.
He is regularly called upon to work with families who are experiencing difficult and delicate contact problems both as a contact supervisor and independent social worker.
Ken was one of the original members of the initiative which led to the formation of Staffordshire County Council’s Intermediate Treatment Programme for Young Offenders. He served on Stoke on Trent’s Juvenile Liaison Panel, a multi agency group involving Staffordshire Probation, Education, Social Services and the Police. He was instrumental in the formation of the Staffordshire Court Diversion Scheme, another multi agency approach to adolescent crime. Ken has also been involved with Child Protection Investigations co-ordinating Health Authority, Police, Social Services and Housing colleagues in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire, Staffordshire and North Humberside. As a Guardian-ad-Litem he has been involved in a number of court cases involving multi agency co-ordination.
In 2001 Ken worked closely with Carmarthenshire County Council and other agencies to form and write their Policy and Procedures for Anti-Social Behaviour Problem Solving Groups. He has trained and helped to set up a Mediation Service in the Merthyr Tydfil area.
Garden Consultancy Limited.
Established in 1994 as part of Select Associates International Investigators Spring Garden consultancy’s role was to deliver specialised children and family based investigations and follow up therapy and training to individuals and organisations experiencing dysfunction and organisational disorder. Our dynamic and challenging solution focussed approach has been widely acclaimed as one of the most successful problem solving, trouble shooting models in use today. We have a flexible and imaginative approach that can be specifically tailored to address the issues needed to bring about positive outcomes.
There is no exact shape to our work; it will be slightly different every time. The success relies on this ‘change of shape’ approach which underpins the whole of our team’s work.
Our director, Kenneth J Griffiths has 27 years experience as a Children and Families Social Worker. Qualified in Dispute Resolution, he has investigated and been involved in many child abduction cases. He has acted as expert witness on numerous occasions and has been used by the Children and Family Court Advisory And Support Service (CAFCASS) in Staffordshire and by their Difficult Contact Section in London.
As a Solution Focussed Therapist Kenn’s vision permeates the whole of Spring Garden Consultancy’s practice and policies. Trained by Europe’s leading therapy training organisation ‘BRIEF Therapy Practice’, he uses his unique skills to bring about positive change in a wide variety of situations with individuals, families, businesses and private and public organisations.
He is regularly called upon to work with families who are experiencing difficult and delicate contact problems both as a contact supervisor and independent social worker.
Ken was one of the original members of the initiative which led to the formation of Staffordshire County Council’s Intermediate Treatment Programme for Young Offenders. He served on Stoke on Trent’s Juvenile Liaison Panel, a multi agency group involving Staffordshire Probation, Education, Social Services and the Police. He was instrumental in the formation of the Staffordshire Court Diversion Scheme, another multi agency approach to adolescent crime. Ken has also been involved with Child Protection Investigations co-ordinating Health Authority, Police, Social Services and Housing colleagues in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire, Staffordshire and North Humberside. As a Guardian-ad-Litem he has been involved in a number of court cases involving multi agency co-ordination.
In 2001 Ken worked closely with Carmarthenshire County Council and other agencies to form and write their Policy and Procedures for Anti-Social Behaviour Problem Solving Groups. He has trained and helped to set up a Mediation Service in the Merthyr Tydfil area.
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