Getting out and about in the great outdoors has long been acknowledged as one of the best ways of dealing with life’s stresses. Everyone in the family can benefit from the healing and calming effect a stroll in the park or local woodland has on our psyche.
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
HIT THE BLUES WITH SOME BLUE SKIES
Getting out and about in the great outdoors has long been acknowledged as one of the best ways of dealing with life’s stresses. Everyone in the family can benefit from the healing and calming effect a stroll in the park or local woodland has on our psyche.
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Monday, 7 February 2011
Hit The Kids Experts 10 top tips.
It's not against the law in the UK to smack your children, but is it really necessary?
There is a school of thought that suggests that if physical chastisement is used then it must be because the parents has lost control or worse, lost their temper. I don't buy into this fully. There are times I'm sure when a tap on the back of the hand makes the point. My problem is the next stage or stages. A tap on the hand is a far cry from hitting your child. Any physical act that leaves a red mark is a step too far. Some children are extremely difficult to manage I know that from my own experience. But hard hitting does indicate a loss of parental control.
Laying down the law at an early age, making and keeping firm and fair boundaries is the best way to help your children attain adulthood and become good parents themselves.
Have look at the following ten tips. If you need any more help do visit our forums at http://www.mychildcontact.com
TOP 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS
1. When your child wants to show you something, stop what you are doing and pay
attention to your child. It is important to spend frequent, small amounts of time
with your child doing things that you both enjoy.
2. Give your child lots of physical affection – children often like hugs, cuddles, and holding hands.
3. Talk to your child about things he/she is interested in and share aspects of your
day with your child.
4. Give your child lots of descriptive praise when they do something that you would
like to see more of, e.g., “Thank you for doing what I asked straight away”.
5. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored so provide lots of
engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child, e.g., playdough, colouring
in, cardboard boxes, dress ups, cubby houses, etc.
6. Teach your child new skills by first showing the skill yourself, then giving your
child opportunities to learn the new skill. For example, speak politely to each
other in the home. Then, prompt your child to speak politely (e.g., say “please”
or “thank you”), and praise your child for their efforts.
7. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour. Sit down and have a family discussion
on the rules in the home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if
they break the rules.
8. If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them a clear instruction to stop
misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead (e.g., “Stop
fighting; play nicely with each other.” Praise your child if they stop. If they do not stop, follow through with an appropriate consequence.
9. Have realistic expectations. All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable
that you will have some discipline hassles. Trying to be the perfect parent can set
you up for frustration and disappointment.
10. Look after yourself. It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed,anxious, or depressed. Try to find time every week to let yourself unwind or do something that you enjoy.
There is a school of thought that suggests that if physical chastisement is used then it must be because the parents has lost control or worse, lost their temper. I don't buy into this fully. There are times I'm sure when a tap on the back of the hand makes the point. My problem is the next stage or stages. A tap on the hand is a far cry from hitting your child. Any physical act that leaves a red mark is a step too far. Some children are extremely difficult to manage I know that from my own experience. But hard hitting does indicate a loss of parental control.
Laying down the law at an early age, making and keeping firm and fair boundaries is the best way to help your children attain adulthood and become good parents themselves.
Have look at the following ten tips. If you need any more help do visit our forums at http://www.mychildcontact.com
TOP 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS
1. When your child wants to show you something, stop what you are doing and pay
attention to your child. It is important to spend frequent, small amounts of time
with your child doing things that you both enjoy.
2. Give your child lots of physical affection – children often like hugs, cuddles, and holding hands.
3. Talk to your child about things he/she is interested in and share aspects of your
day with your child.
4. Give your child lots of descriptive praise when they do something that you would
like to see more of, e.g., “Thank you for doing what I asked straight away”.
5. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored so provide lots of
engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child, e.g., playdough, colouring
in, cardboard boxes, dress ups, cubby houses, etc.
6. Teach your child new skills by first showing the skill yourself, then giving your
child opportunities to learn the new skill. For example, speak politely to each
other in the home. Then, prompt your child to speak politely (e.g., say “please”
or “thank you”), and praise your child for their efforts.
7. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour. Sit down and have a family discussion
on the rules in the home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if
they break the rules.
8. If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them a clear instruction to stop
misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead (e.g., “Stop
fighting; play nicely with each other.” Praise your child if they stop. If they do not stop, follow through with an appropriate consequence.
9. Have realistic expectations. All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable
that you will have some discipline hassles. Trying to be the perfect parent can set
you up for frustration and disappointment.
10. Look after yourself. It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed,anxious, or depressed. Try to find time every week to let yourself unwind or do something that you enjoy.
Saturday, 15 January 2011
NO CONTACT NO ACCESS NOWHERE TO GO!
MISSING YOUR CHILD? CAN’T GET ACCESS?
Want to leave them a message they can read as adults?
I know what it is like when your side of the story isn’t being told. That’s why at mychildcontact.com we have the safe and secure LIFE STORY LEGACY. Here you can leave your story in words, pictures and film. You can scan in special features, family documents, your returned, un-opened letters.
Want to leave them a message they can read as adults?
I know what it is like when your side of the story isn’t being told. That’s why at mychildcontact.com we have the safe and secure LIFE STORY LEGACY. Here you can leave your story in words, pictures and film. You can scan in special features, family documents, your returned, un-opened letters.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
New Dads and Babies
Many new Dads haven't really been prepared for baby days and, unless they have a baby brother or sister have little or no experience of touching, holding and engaging a baby.
Pre-birth.
Bubble the Bump! Take a bath or shower with mum regularly, washing the bump with plenty of soothing soap bubbles and feeling the different shapes and size as the pregnancy develops gives a real sense of closeness to baby. After bathing wrap the bump and baby with a shawl or blanket that you will wrap baby in when it arrives and don't forget to cuddle mum.
Kiss baby through the bump. Give baby a good talking to. Getting your face and especially your lips up close and personal and talking and singing through the bump lets baby feel your vibrations and starts the bonding process.
Go to all of the scans and pre-natal visits. Get involved, ask questions. When the doctor/midwife feels around ask what they are feeling for and if you can follow their example and feel what they feel.
Plan your after birth responsibilities. Who's going to be the main carrer? Who's going to go out to earn the corn? Get the home ready and allow yourself the time to imagine and act out baby scenes. Well before baby is born get the house baby friendly get it warmed up for baby. It needs to be clean, tidy, organised and above all calm. Feng Shui can help here.
At the birth.
Be ever ready. Make a birthing bag up that you can grab and take with you. baby's blanket should be there along with something to read or do whilst you are waiting. Keep calm and reassuring for Mum.
Hands on, not hands off. Get that baby in your arms straight away. If you aren't sure about how to hold a tiny child get some time in beforehand if you can. Hold friends and family babies or practice with a doll or better still an age appropriate Teddy that you will give to baby.
At home.
Don't hand over the newborn to mum and expect her to 'get on with it'. Mum is no different than you. You are both natural baby makers, but parenting is a life learning skill. As with any skill you need time on the job so get stuck in. Understand that as parents you will make mistakes and have to change your position as you find what works best. It's been said that we are 'born with brain that is a ball of confusion and that what we are exposed to early in our lives sets us up for life'. Keep it calm, loving an happy.
Pre-birth.
Bubble the Bump! Take a bath or shower with mum regularly, washing the bump with plenty of soothing soap bubbles and feeling the different shapes and size as the pregnancy develops gives a real sense of closeness to baby. After bathing wrap the bump and baby with a shawl or blanket that you will wrap baby in when it arrives and don't forget to cuddle mum.
Kiss baby through the bump. Give baby a good talking to. Getting your face and especially your lips up close and personal and talking and singing through the bump lets baby feel your vibrations and starts the bonding process.
Go to all of the scans and pre-natal visits. Get involved, ask questions. When the doctor/midwife feels around ask what they are feeling for and if you can follow their example and feel what they feel.
Plan your after birth responsibilities. Who's going to be the main carrer? Who's going to go out to earn the corn? Get the home ready and allow yourself the time to imagine and act out baby scenes. Well before baby is born get the house baby friendly get it warmed up for baby. It needs to be clean, tidy, organised and above all calm. Feng Shui can help here.
At the birth.
Be ever ready. Make a birthing bag up that you can grab and take with you. baby's blanket should be there along with something to read or do whilst you are waiting. Keep calm and reassuring for Mum.
Hands on, not hands off. Get that baby in your arms straight away. If you aren't sure about how to hold a tiny child get some time in beforehand if you can. Hold friends and family babies or practice with a doll or better still an age appropriate Teddy that you will give to baby.
At home.
Don't hand over the newborn to mum and expect her to 'get on with it'. Mum is no different than you. You are both natural baby makers, but parenting is a life learning skill. As with any skill you need time on the job so get stuck in. Understand that as parents you will make mistakes and have to change your position as you find what works best. It's been said that we are 'born with brain that is a ball of confusion and that what we are exposed to early in our lives sets us up for life'. Keep it calm, loving an happy.
Monday, 13 December 2010
Child Contact at Christmas
14 December 2010
MISSING YOUR CHILDREN THIS CHRISTMAS?
This Christmas, more than 750,000 children in the UK will not have any contact at all with one of their birth parents – not even a card. A new website, mychildcontact.com, launches next week to help parents, grandparents and birth parents find responsible, valuable advice and guidance on how to make contact with their loved ones.
According to new ONS figures, there are 1,768,000 lone parent households with an average of 1.85 children per household, in the UK. An Omnibus survey revealed that of the children who are living without one of their parents, 23 per cent have no contact with them at all. That’s a staggering 752,284 children in the UK today, who have no contact at all with an absent parent.
With remarriages and co-habitation clouding the figures, court-appointed Children’s Guardian and co-founder of mychildcontact.com, Kenn Griffiths, fears the real figure could be more than 1.5 million. “Everyone knows someone who has been affected by child contact issues. For both child and parent, losing contact can be emotionally devastating, and it can be an incredibly difficult, time-consuming and expensive problem to resolve. In my role, working with parents and children, I could see that they desperately needed an online resource that could provide them with somewhere to turn and a chance to be heard,” claimed Kenn.
Mychildcontact.com is a free resource for adults looking to resolve access issues. The forum provides an open discussion area for issues with legislation, the role of social services and the courts, societal bias and the opportunity to share experiences. A virtual postbox and services directory helps direct parents towards the best support and advice.
The unique Life Story Legacy service gives parents who have been denied access the chance to leave a record of their life, information relevant to their child or their side of the story, in a secure vault protected by Iron Mountain, for release when their child reaches 18 or 21.
Founder Kenn Griifiths said: “Mychildcontact.com is a vital resource for the thousands of parents and family members in the UK who are unable to make contact with their children. The pain, heartache and potential repercussions for parents and children denied access to each other is vast. Legal aid budgets are being cut in this time of austerity, and social services are looking for cost-cutting solutions to child contact issues, so it’s essential that we lobby government on behalf of mothers, fathers and grandparents to make the system fairer for all.”
Mychildcontact.com is backing World Child Contact Day on 20 March 2011, which has been set up to highlight the plight of the millions of families who are torn apart by access, custody and contact issues around the world. Fronted by Kenn Griffiths, the campaign will promote the right and wrong ways to make contact, highlight the dangers of using social networks to make contact and examine high profile cases of abduction or murder.
MISSING YOUR CHILDREN THIS CHRISTMAS?
This Christmas, more than 750,000 children in the UK will not have any contact at all with one of their birth parents – not even a card. A new website, mychildcontact.com, launches next week to help parents, grandparents and birth parents find responsible, valuable advice and guidance on how to make contact with their loved ones.
According to new ONS figures, there are 1,768,000 lone parent households with an average of 1.85 children per household, in the UK. An Omnibus survey revealed that of the children who are living without one of their parents, 23 per cent have no contact with them at all. That’s a staggering 752,284 children in the UK today, who have no contact at all with an absent parent.
With remarriages and co-habitation clouding the figures, court-appointed Children’s Guardian and co-founder of mychildcontact.com, Kenn Griffiths, fears the real figure could be more than 1.5 million. “Everyone knows someone who has been affected by child contact issues. For both child and parent, losing contact can be emotionally devastating, and it can be an incredibly difficult, time-consuming and expensive problem to resolve. In my role, working with parents and children, I could see that they desperately needed an online resource that could provide them with somewhere to turn and a chance to be heard,” claimed Kenn.
Mychildcontact.com is a free resource for adults looking to resolve access issues. The forum provides an open discussion area for issues with legislation, the role of social services and the courts, societal bias and the opportunity to share experiences. A virtual postbox and services directory helps direct parents towards the best support and advice.
The unique Life Story Legacy service gives parents who have been denied access the chance to leave a record of their life, information relevant to their child or their side of the story, in a secure vault protected by Iron Mountain, for release when their child reaches 18 or 21.
Founder Kenn Griifiths said: “Mychildcontact.com is a vital resource for the thousands of parents and family members in the UK who are unable to make contact with their children. The pain, heartache and potential repercussions for parents and children denied access to each other is vast. Legal aid budgets are being cut in this time of austerity, and social services are looking for cost-cutting solutions to child contact issues, so it’s essential that we lobby government on behalf of mothers, fathers and grandparents to make the system fairer for all.”
Mychildcontact.com is backing World Child Contact Day on 20 March 2011, which has been set up to highlight the plight of the millions of families who are torn apart by access, custody and contact issues around the world. Fronted by Kenn Griffiths, the campaign will promote the right and wrong ways to make contact, highlight the dangers of using social networks to make contact and examine high profile cases of abduction or murder.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Children must be protected from Cafcass
The leading Professional Association for Children’s Guardians and Family Court Advisors NAGALRO have spoken out about the failings of Cafcass.
NAGALRO’s Chair Ann Hague, reflecting on a Government report early in November said “we agree with the Public Accounts Committee that Cafcass is unfit for purpose. Cafcass has consistently failed to deliver the service the law requires for children. Its very expensive management has failed over a long period to provide the timely service that that vulnerable children need.”
Cafcass management have stated that they have “greatly reduced” their waiting lists and have still maintained strong safeguarding for vulnerable children. Their practitioners give a different account explaining to me in recent conversations that they have been forced to conduct much of their work on the telephone. Children have not been seen or properly assessed. The service has adopted a ‘watching brief’ model that takes no account of the need for continuity in the case, leaving children without adequate protection at a time of crisis in their lives.
Children and Family solicitors I’ve interviewed who are regularly appointed by Cafcass’s Children’s Guardians are well aware of the danger to children. Unfortunately many of these lawyers rely on their ‘friendship’ with Cafcass for their day-to-day work and collude with this failing service. Those having the strength to stand up for the rights of children can be left ‘out-in-the-cold’, effectively gagged by powerful paymasters.
“It is the best interests of children that is the paramount consideration here, not the best interests of Cafcass the organisation. Children’s voices are being silenced by the very agency that should be listening to them and ensuring that the court knows what is happening to them. Above all we must preserve the important role that protects children, even if we have to create a new way of delivering it.”
NAGALRO’s Chair Ann Hague, reflecting on a Government report early in November said “we agree with the Public Accounts Committee that Cafcass is unfit for purpose. Cafcass has consistently failed to deliver the service the law requires for children. Its very expensive management has failed over a long period to provide the timely service that that vulnerable children need.”
Cafcass management have stated that they have “greatly reduced” their waiting lists and have still maintained strong safeguarding for vulnerable children. Their practitioners give a different account explaining to me in recent conversations that they have been forced to conduct much of their work on the telephone. Children have not been seen or properly assessed. The service has adopted a ‘watching brief’ model that takes no account of the need for continuity in the case, leaving children without adequate protection at a time of crisis in their lives.
Children and Family solicitors I’ve interviewed who are regularly appointed by Cafcass’s Children’s Guardians are well aware of the danger to children. Unfortunately many of these lawyers rely on their ‘friendship’ with Cafcass for their day-to-day work and collude with this failing service. Those having the strength to stand up for the rights of children can be left ‘out-in-the-cold’, effectively gagged by powerful paymasters.
“It is the best interests of children that is the paramount consideration here, not the best interests of Cafcass the organisation. Children’s voices are being silenced by the very agency that should be listening to them and ensuring that the court knows what is happening to them. Above all we must preserve the important role that protects children, even if we have to create a new way of delivering it.”
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Family Court Experts and Emotional Abuse
Professionals v Experts
On Thursday 11th November 2010 The Times journalist Camilla Cavendish commented on the use of ‘experts’ in Children Act proceedings. She made the point that some experts do not spend enough time with the parties to make a full and proper assessment. I can’t disagree with this but in my experience it is not only ‘some experts’ but many professionals around the case that don’t spend enough time to draw together a good qualified report. Local Authority reports, which are used as the starting point of proceedings often lack clarity, are ill-prepared, follow a template format and are rarely compiled with a thorough investigation of the facts.
Although I have concerns about the effectiveness of CAFCASS and their management, having worked for them I do believe that they are often used too late in proceedings. Many Family Court Advisors are former Local Authority social workers working in the same Geographical areas that they have worked in for years and as such ‘play the professional game’, failing to challenge their former social work colleagues who have prepared very poor early social work assessments.
Judges rely too much on the belief that those preparing and placing reports before them have actually taken the time to investigate the background to cases and form an opinion that is best for the children. Lawyers working in Children and Family proceedings know that the reports supplied by the ‘professionals’ are flawed and so for the sake of their client they ask for Expert Opinion. This comes late in the proceedings and there is a rush to get the case through the system in the time allowed. Experts who challenge the Local Authority regularly can be seen as a problem for them and they often refuse to have a particular expert allocated, agreeing to one that they do not see as challenging or problematic. For the sake of expediency and good relations ‘on the court steps’ agreements between the professionals and lawyers as to who they will accept means that the expert will be someone who will not ‘rock the boat’ and therefore, in my opinion will not properly investigate and assess in a robust and totally unbiased way.
On Thursday 11th November 2010 The Times journalist Camilla Cavendish commented on the use of ‘experts’ in Children Act proceedings. She made the point that some experts do not spend enough time with the parties to make a full and proper assessment. I can’t disagree with this but in my experience it is not only ‘some experts’ but many professionals around the case that don’t spend enough time to draw together a good qualified report. Local Authority reports, which are used as the starting point of proceedings often lack clarity, are ill-prepared, follow a template format and are rarely compiled with a thorough investigation of the facts.
Although I have concerns about the effectiveness of CAFCASS and their management, having worked for them I do believe that they are often used too late in proceedings. Many Family Court Advisors are former Local Authority social workers working in the same Geographical areas that they have worked in for years and as such ‘play the professional game’, failing to challenge their former social work colleagues who have prepared very poor early social work assessments.
Judges rely too much on the belief that those preparing and placing reports before them have actually taken the time to investigate the background to cases and form an opinion that is best for the children. Lawyers working in Children and Family proceedings know that the reports supplied by the ‘professionals’ are flawed and so for the sake of their client they ask for Expert Opinion. This comes late in the proceedings and there is a rush to get the case through the system in the time allowed. Experts who challenge the Local Authority regularly can be seen as a problem for them and they often refuse to have a particular expert allocated, agreeing to one that they do not see as challenging or problematic. For the sake of expediency and good relations ‘on the court steps’ agreements between the professionals and lawyers as to who they will accept means that the expert will be someone who will not ‘rock the boat’ and therefore, in my opinion will not properly investigate and assess in a robust and totally unbiased way.
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