What you have is priceless. Don't underestimate your worth. Your knowledge is unique to you and whether you like it or not, good or bad it all belongs solely to you. You make your decisions in this knowledge, it affects your every day thoughts and events.
Understand that no matter what, there are no negatives in there it's all positive if you use the knowledge you've gained to good effect it is absolutely PRICELESS.
Let's say that you are in a relationship that you are not enjoying. Why are you still there? The answer may well be that you are hoping something will change to make it 'better'. Or you just don't feel that you have the strength to move away from it.
Your reasons for staying are unique to you. Inside, you know the real reasons. To come to the reasons you have used your knowledge. It is this that determines how you cope. It may be that you have reflected on your past and that you have the knowledge that you have done something in the past that you regret and that you are blaming yourself for. Reflect again on this and use your knowledge to inform you, not destroy you. Maybe you should have moved out of the relationship years ago but you did not. Don't dwell on this. It may be that you are feeling guilty for thoughts or things you have done that you consider are wrong. By all means reflect on your past but accept that we all do things that we regret, it's a part of learning. What you don't want to do is to continue to do something that you know is wrong. Don't try to appease everyone else, you can't win them all, so don't try to, accept that some people will not understand and accept your position. That is a matter for them, not you. Keeping a failing relationship alive because you are trying to please others is not a positive way forward. It leads to uncertainty. Being vague about what you really mean, to try to lessen the impact of the relationship's end, is more damaging that a clean break. Vagueness leads to unhelpful responses from those around you.
Ending a relationship cleanly and quickly may be brutal in the short term but spending months trying to wean someone off you is down right abusive!
Using your knowledge to define your problem will help you to come to a positive conclusion.
When people are unclear about what they want to change, attempts at finding solutions are often misguided. This can lead to frustration especially when nothing seems to be improving. If you are unsure about the exact nature of your problem take the time to trawl your knowledge and find the reasons behind your needs then act on them.
NEXT MONDAY
BE YOURSELF
Showing posts with label Lifestyle help with low self-esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lifestyle help with low self-esteem. Show all posts
Monday, 12 April 2010
Monday, 5 April 2010
LIFE-STYLE SELF-ESTEEM
SETTLE YOUR SOUL
It’s no good spending valuable healing time torturing yourself by going over your past life events. No matter what, you can not change them. They are what makes you good or bad!
Settling your soul starts with the acceptance that you can not change the past. Using your knowledge and experience to shape your future is what you should spend time thinking about. No one knows the core you better than you. Quite often psychologists, counsellors and social workers come into people’s lives, get them to talk about their past and analyse the information, giving it back to them in a very identifiable form. The person being ‘helped’ thinks wow, how fantastic and they have a feeling of relief. Months later that feeling goes and the question arises, ‘ok you’ve identified why I am like I am but nothing has happened since then. When are you going to make me feel better?’ Using a solution focussed approach to your problem gives you a way forward by encouraging you to think about how to shape the future not dwell in the past.
Settling your soul is best tackled by accepting who you are and understanding that you made past decisions with the knowledge you had then and that now your knowledge is different and that given the situation again you would not react in the same way.
We all have a past history, we all have negative experiences; we all develop differently. What we have to understand is that we are a product of our past. The way we deal with that past makes the difference. We can let past negative influences make us negative, or we can use the experience to adjust ourselves to a positive reaction and we can use the information to alter our environment to a positive place. Being subjected to many life negatives does not mean that you can’t change them. But it does mean that you have to make greater efforts to change your mindset to feel better about yourself and to find the positives.
Settling your soul means accepting your past and your self. Coming from a ‘difficult’ background does not mean that you are destined for a difficult future. In fact if you think about it, if your life experience to date has been difficult, then you should be able to use all of that understanding to make a better future.
DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF ENJOY YOU WARTS AND ALL!!!!!
NEXT MONDAY
USE YOUR UNIQUE KNOWLEDGE
It’s no good spending valuable healing time torturing yourself by going over your past life events. No matter what, you can not change them. They are what makes you good or bad!
Settling your soul starts with the acceptance that you can not change the past. Using your knowledge and experience to shape your future is what you should spend time thinking about. No one knows the core you better than you. Quite often psychologists, counsellors and social workers come into people’s lives, get them to talk about their past and analyse the information, giving it back to them in a very identifiable form. The person being ‘helped’ thinks wow, how fantastic and they have a feeling of relief. Months later that feeling goes and the question arises, ‘ok you’ve identified why I am like I am but nothing has happened since then. When are you going to make me feel better?’ Using a solution focussed approach to your problem gives you a way forward by encouraging you to think about how to shape the future not dwell in the past.
Settling your soul is best tackled by accepting who you are and understanding that you made past decisions with the knowledge you had then and that now your knowledge is different and that given the situation again you would not react in the same way.
We all have a past history, we all have negative experiences; we all develop differently. What we have to understand is that we are a product of our past. The way we deal with that past makes the difference. We can let past negative influences make us negative, or we can use the experience to adjust ourselves to a positive reaction and we can use the information to alter our environment to a positive place. Being subjected to many life negatives does not mean that you can’t change them. But it does mean that you have to make greater efforts to change your mindset to feel better about yourself and to find the positives.
Settling your soul means accepting your past and your self. Coming from a ‘difficult’ background does not mean that you are destined for a difficult future. In fact if you think about it, if your life experience to date has been difficult, then you should be able to use all of that understanding to make a better future.
DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF ENJOY YOU WARTS AND ALL!!!!!
NEXT MONDAY
USE YOUR UNIQUE KNOWLEDGE
Sunday, 7 March 2010
LIFE-STYLE SELF-ESTEEM
Monday is Life-style day at mychildcontact.com with our in residence expert Kenn Griffiths.
Life’s lessons come at a cost and believe me mine have proved to be very expensive over the years. It’s because of this life long learning and my work as a child contact and access consultant that I am now in a position to use my experience and knowledge to offer support to anyone experiencing emotional difficulties.
Losing contact with your children, or the thought of it, can have the effect of bringing you down and testing your confidence and self-esteem. But it does not have to be a negative…
View change as a start, not an ending.
Use the experience to learn from.
Use it to build confidence, not destroy it!
What’s gone on in the past can’t be changed. You may feel regret or disappointment and given the same situation again you would probably do it all differently. But, accept that you are not going to be given the same set of circumstances again. You may be given some similar experiences, but what’s gone, is gone and can’t be re-lived. Accept this now! Don’t keep torturing yourself. Going over the past events in your mind will not change the outcome so learn from it and move yourself forward. By all means use it to enhance you, to develop a ‘better’ you if that’s what you want but don’t dwell in the hurt.
In my work I am often instructed to carry out a parenting assessment and report my findings to the Court. This is usual in child contact disputes. One parent brings allegations against the other in an effort to demonstrate that the accused is an unfit parent and should not be trusted with the care of children. A person’s self-esteem is often a window into the current ability of a parent to offer unconditional love and support to their children. Low self-esteem is an indicator to a parent’s low opinion of themselves. If a parent does not believe that they have any worth they can internalise this and view themselves as a failure. Add to this the trauma of separation, divorce and the possible loss of their children and you can see how they could struggle with the day to day difficulties of being a parent.
Positive parenting is not easy even when everything is going well. Children need a lot of care, love and understanding. They quickly pick up on adult’s moods, and even when very young, they learn how to alter their position to ‘accommodate’ their parent’s difficulties.
Keeping yourself positive and ‘up-beat’ has a settling effect on the children. You owe it to yourself and them to take care of yourself and to have a positive outlook.
Take the time now to gauge your level of self-esteem. The following check list is one that I use in my assessment process.
If you are feeling low why not get in touch with our team of experts at http://www.mychildcontact.com they are there to help and will not be judgemental.
Checklist for self-esteem
Yes No Don’t
Know
Do you feel you can do things as well as most other people?
2 0 1
Are there things you are proud of?
2 0 1
Do you think you are a failure?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are not as good as other people?
2 0 1
In general are you pretty sure of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often wish you were someone else?
2 0 1
Would you find it difficult to make a speech?
2 0 1
Are there a lot of things about you that you would change if you could?
2 0 1
Do you think you are quite popular with people in general?
2 0 1
Do you have a great deal of confidence in your decisions?
2 0 1
Do you have a good opinion of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often feel ashamed of things you have done?
2 0 1
Do you feel photographs do not do you justice?
2 0 1
Do you think there are family members who make you feel you are not good enough?
2 0 1
Do you get upset if someone criticises you?
2 0 1
Do you think other people regard you as being useless?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes question your worth/value as a person?
2 0 1
When people say nice things about you do you find it difficult to believe/accept?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes remain silent because you feel people will laugh at what you say?
2 0 1
Are you shy in social situations?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are as good as other people?
2 0 1
Do you feel you can succeed in doing the things you want to?
2 0 1
Are you happy with the way you look
2 0 1
Are you often shy with other people because you think you will be rejected?
2 0 1
Do you find it difficult to do things in a way which other people think is good?
2 0 1
Do you often pretend to be better at things than you really are?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes feel you can never do anything right?
2 0 1
Do you think you are physically attractive?
2 0 1
Do you feel you have a normal amount of respect for yourself?
2 0 1
Do you think your personality is attractive?
2 0 1
(A Practitioner’s Tool for Child Protection and the Assessment of Parents – Jeff Fowler)
If you’ve scored 40 plus you’re ok. Below this and you should start work on building your confidence. If you have a shed load of the neutral indicator 1, and you haven’t read the test wrong, then you either have a lack of co-operation or you just don’t understand yourself. If that’s the case how can anyone else understand you?
NEXT MONDAY
DEALING WITH UNRESOLVED ISSUES.
Life’s lessons come at a cost and believe me mine have proved to be very expensive over the years. It’s because of this life long learning and my work as a child contact and access consultant that I am now in a position to use my experience and knowledge to offer support to anyone experiencing emotional difficulties.
Losing contact with your children, or the thought of it, can have the effect of bringing you down and testing your confidence and self-esteem. But it does not have to be a negative…
View change as a start, not an ending.
Use the experience to learn from.
Use it to build confidence, not destroy it!
What’s gone on in the past can’t be changed. You may feel regret or disappointment and given the same situation again you would probably do it all differently. But, accept that you are not going to be given the same set of circumstances again. You may be given some similar experiences, but what’s gone, is gone and can’t be re-lived. Accept this now! Don’t keep torturing yourself. Going over the past events in your mind will not change the outcome so learn from it and move yourself forward. By all means use it to enhance you, to develop a ‘better’ you if that’s what you want but don’t dwell in the hurt.
In my work I am often instructed to carry out a parenting assessment and report my findings to the Court. This is usual in child contact disputes. One parent brings allegations against the other in an effort to demonstrate that the accused is an unfit parent and should not be trusted with the care of children. A person’s self-esteem is often a window into the current ability of a parent to offer unconditional love and support to their children. Low self-esteem is an indicator to a parent’s low opinion of themselves. If a parent does not believe that they have any worth they can internalise this and view themselves as a failure. Add to this the trauma of separation, divorce and the possible loss of their children and you can see how they could struggle with the day to day difficulties of being a parent.
Positive parenting is not easy even when everything is going well. Children need a lot of care, love and understanding. They quickly pick up on adult’s moods, and even when very young, they learn how to alter their position to ‘accommodate’ their parent’s difficulties.
Keeping yourself positive and ‘up-beat’ has a settling effect on the children. You owe it to yourself and them to take care of yourself and to have a positive outlook.
Take the time now to gauge your level of self-esteem. The following check list is one that I use in my assessment process.
If you are feeling low why not get in touch with our team of experts at http://www.mychildcontact.com they are there to help and will not be judgemental.
Checklist for self-esteem
Yes No Don’t
Know
Do you feel you can do things as well as most other people?
2 0 1
Are there things you are proud of?
2 0 1
Do you think you are a failure?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are not as good as other people?
2 0 1
In general are you pretty sure of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often wish you were someone else?
2 0 1
Would you find it difficult to make a speech?
2 0 1
Are there a lot of things about you that you would change if you could?
2 0 1
Do you think you are quite popular with people in general?
2 0 1
Do you have a great deal of confidence in your decisions?
2 0 1
Do you have a good opinion of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often feel ashamed of things you have done?
2 0 1
Do you feel photographs do not do you justice?
2 0 1
Do you think there are family members who make you feel you are not good enough?
2 0 1
Do you get upset if someone criticises you?
2 0 1
Do you think other people regard you as being useless?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes question your worth/value as a person?
2 0 1
When people say nice things about you do you find it difficult to believe/accept?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes remain silent because you feel people will laugh at what you say?
2 0 1
Are you shy in social situations?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are as good as other people?
2 0 1
Do you feel you can succeed in doing the things you want to?
2 0 1
Are you happy with the way you look
2 0 1
Are you often shy with other people because you think you will be rejected?
2 0 1
Do you find it difficult to do things in a way which other people think is good?
2 0 1
Do you often pretend to be better at things than you really are?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes feel you can never do anything right?
2 0 1
Do you think you are physically attractive?
2 0 1
Do you feel you have a normal amount of respect for yourself?
2 0 1
Do you think your personality is attractive?
2 0 1
(A Practitioner’s Tool for Child Protection and the Assessment of Parents – Jeff Fowler)
If you’ve scored 40 plus you’re ok. Below this and you should start work on building your confidence. If you have a shed load of the neutral indicator 1, and you haven’t read the test wrong, then you either have a lack of co-operation or you just don’t understand yourself. If that’s the case how can anyone else understand you?
NEXT MONDAY
DEALING WITH UNRESOLVED ISSUES.
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