LIFE-STYLE SELF-ESTEEM

Monday is Life-style day at mychildcontact.com with our in residence expert Kenn Griffiths.


Life’s lessons come at a cost and believe me mine have proved to be very expensive over the years. It’s because of this life long learning and my work as a child contact and access consultant that I am now in a position to use my experience and knowledge to offer support to anyone experiencing emotional difficulties.

Losing contact with your children, or the thought of it, can have the effect of bringing you down and testing your confidence and self-esteem. But it does not have to be a negative…

View change as a start, not an ending.
Use the experience to learn from.
Use it to build confidence, not destroy it!

What’s gone on in the past can’t be changed. You may feel regret or disappointment and given the same situation again you would probably do it all differently. But, accept that you are not going to be given the same set of circumstances again. You may be given some similar experiences, but what’s gone, is gone and can’t be re-lived. Accept this now! Don’t keep torturing yourself. Going over the past events in your mind will not change the outcome so learn from it and move yourself forward. By all means use it to enhance you, to develop a ‘better’ you if that’s what you want but don’t dwell in the hurt.

In my work I am often instructed to carry out a parenting assessment and report my findings to the Court. This is usual in child contact disputes. One parent brings allegations against the other in an effort to demonstrate that the accused is an unfit parent and should not be trusted with the care of children. A person’s self-esteem is often a window into the current ability of a parent to offer unconditional love and support to their children. Low self-esteem is an indicator to a parent’s low opinion of themselves. If a parent does not believe that they have any worth they can internalise this and view themselves as a failure. Add to this the trauma of separation, divorce and the possible loss of their children and you can see how they could struggle with the day to day difficulties of being a parent.

Positive parenting is not easy even when everything is going well. Children need a lot of care, love and understanding. They quickly pick up on adult’s moods, and even when very young, they learn how to alter their position to ‘accommodate’ their parent’s difficulties.

Keeping yourself positive and ‘up-beat’ has a settling effect on the children. You owe it to yourself and them to take care of yourself and to have a positive outlook.

Take the time now to gauge your level of self-esteem. The following check list is one that I use in my assessment process.

If you are feeling low why not get in touch with our team of experts at http://www.mychildcontact.com they are there to help and will not be judgemental.


Checklist for self-esteem



Yes No Don’t
Know
Do you feel you can do things as well as most other people?
2 0 1
Are there things you are proud of?
2 0 1
Do you think you are a failure?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are not as good as other people?
2 0 1
In general are you pretty sure of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often wish you were someone else?
2 0 1
Would you find it difficult to make a speech?
2 0 1
Are there a lot of things about you that you would change if you could?
2 0 1
Do you think you are quite popular with people in general?
2 0 1
Do you have a great deal of confidence in your decisions?
2 0 1
Do you have a good opinion of yourself?
2 0 1
Do you often feel ashamed of things you have done?
2 0 1
Do you feel photographs do not do you justice?
2 0 1
Do you think there are family members who make you feel you are not good enough?
2 0 1
Do you get upset if someone criticises you?
2 0 1
Do you think other people regard you as being useless?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes question your worth/value as a person?
2 0 1
When people say nice things about you do you find it difficult to believe/accept?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes remain silent because you feel people will laugh at what you say?
2 0 1
Are you shy in social situations?
2 0 1
Do you feel you are as good as other people?
2 0 1
Do you feel you can succeed in doing the things you want to?
2 0 1
Are you happy with the way you look
2 0 1
Are you often shy with other people because you think you will be rejected?
2 0 1
Do you find it difficult to do things in a way which other people think is good?
2 0 1
Do you often pretend to be better at things than you really are?
2 0 1
Do you sometimes feel you can never do anything right?
2 0 1
Do you think you are physically attractive?
2 0 1
Do you feel you have a normal amount of respect for yourself?
2 0 1
Do you think your personality is attractive?
2 0 1
(A Practitioner’s Tool for Child Protection and the Assessment of Parents – Jeff Fowler)

If you’ve scored 40 plus you’re ok. Below this and you should start work on building your confidence. If you have a shed load of the neutral indicator 1, and you haven’t read the test wrong, then you either have a lack of co-operation or you just don’t understand yourself. If that’s the case how can anyone else understand you?

NEXT MONDAY

DEALING WITH UNRESOLVED ISSUES.