ScienceDaily — Children who experience the stress of separation at birth from biological parents and are brought up in orphanages undergo biological consequences such as changes in their genome functioning, Yale School of Medicine researchers report in a new study.
http://www.mychildcontact.com/p/news.php?article=66
Thursday 29 December 2011
Tuesday 8 November 2011
How Divorce Affects Children
Anyone going through a divorce or relationship breakdown will understand how intensely stressful it can be, it is also extremely stressful for any children, regardless of their age, who are caught up in the adult problems. Ensuring that the children are given the right level of unbiased emotional support during this time can be difficult and it falls to the parents and close relatives to provide it.
Children will experience a range of emotions including feeling vulnerable, a sense of loss, grief, anger and a general sense of having no power to help or change things.
I consider that the best thing that parents going through divorce can do for their children is to maintain a civil relationship, especially when it comes to making decisions about their children.
The children will take their lead from their parents. If the parents adjust well then there is a much better chance that the children will follow their example.
Custody battles indicate a poor adult adjustment and as these battles rage the children will experience a lower level of contact to one or both of their parents, and even if there is plenty of contact this will be tainted with the child having to balance the loyalty to each parent.
Abilene counsellor Marc Orner said.
"The parents don't need to poison the well, so to speak, they don't need to talk bad about each other to try to get the child on their side."
One of the more prominent emotions dealt with by those who counsel children through divorce is guilt.
Children are egocentric, so it's natural for them to think the divorce was about them or that they are to blame. Although each child will cope with the problems in their own way age and parenting ability will either help or hinder the progress.
Possible effects at developmental stages:
Age 3-5 Regression to previously attained milestones. Disturbed sleep patterns and separation loss.
Age 6-8 Open grieving for the absent parent and loss of the family structure often with fantasies about the parents getting ‘back-together’ and a ‘happy ending’. They have difficulty coming to terms with the permanency of divorce.
Age 8-11 Anger derived from a feeling of powerlessness. Children at this stage of development are easily influenced and more likely to be involved by ‘Parental Alienation’ resulting in a ‘bad’ parent, ‘good’ parent belief. Many children in this age group take on the role of ‘little parent’, looking after their unhappy family members including mum and dad.
Age 12-18 Adolescents is a difficult time without family upheaval. Depression often with violent outbursts and a blame culture can be expected. These children may ‘judge’ their parents in a moralistic way, inappropriately pointing out each of their parent’s perceived negative ‘contributions’ to the family breakdown.
Ideally parents would work together to ensure a positive transition for their children from the current family to the new family dimension, whatever that may be.
Unfortunately, adults do not always act in an adult, responsible manner especially when they are under emotional pressure. Many parents have themselves had a difficult childhood with poor parenting models and do not have the life-skills to keep their children’s needs in positive focus.
This is where experts and dedicated professionals can help. Parents should be encouraged to seek help and not feel that they are failing or view it as an admission that they are poor parents. Organisations like mychildcontact.com a website dedicated to helping parents and children to work through family break-down and maintaining contact/access to the absent parent have a great deal of experience and can help to keep the parents focussed on the needs of their children.
As a starting point parents should:
• Reassure the children that they are not the reason for the problems and that they are not responsible for their parent’s difficulties.
• Recognise that the children will experience many emotional difficulties and will not necessarily have the experience to handle their emotions.
• Children will need a lot of un-reserved love from all of the adults, including grandparents and other close family members as they move through the feelings of loss and grief.
• Do not think that the older the child, the better they will cope or that they do not need as much support, age does not negate the pain.
• Be consistent and considered.
• Avoid discussing the adult issues in front of the children, but do keep them informed. This should be age appropriate and definitely not a place to ‘offload’ the adult frustrations or hurt.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a Writer, Investigator, Social Worker and Founder of the internationally acclaimed website www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.
Children will experience a range of emotions including feeling vulnerable, a sense of loss, grief, anger and a general sense of having no power to help or change things.
I consider that the best thing that parents going through divorce can do for their children is to maintain a civil relationship, especially when it comes to making decisions about their children.
The children will take their lead from their parents. If the parents adjust well then there is a much better chance that the children will follow their example.
Custody battles indicate a poor adult adjustment and as these battles rage the children will experience a lower level of contact to one or both of their parents, and even if there is plenty of contact this will be tainted with the child having to balance the loyalty to each parent.
Abilene counsellor Marc Orner said.
"The parents don't need to poison the well, so to speak, they don't need to talk bad about each other to try to get the child on their side."
One of the more prominent emotions dealt with by those who counsel children through divorce is guilt.
Children are egocentric, so it's natural for them to think the divorce was about them or that they are to blame. Although each child will cope with the problems in their own way age and parenting ability will either help or hinder the progress.
Possible effects at developmental stages:
Age 3-5 Regression to previously attained milestones. Disturbed sleep patterns and separation loss.
Age 6-8 Open grieving for the absent parent and loss of the family structure often with fantasies about the parents getting ‘back-together’ and a ‘happy ending’. They have difficulty coming to terms with the permanency of divorce.
Age 8-11 Anger derived from a feeling of powerlessness. Children at this stage of development are easily influenced and more likely to be involved by ‘Parental Alienation’ resulting in a ‘bad’ parent, ‘good’ parent belief. Many children in this age group take on the role of ‘little parent’, looking after their unhappy family members including mum and dad.
Age 12-18 Adolescents is a difficult time without family upheaval. Depression often with violent outbursts and a blame culture can be expected. These children may ‘judge’ their parents in a moralistic way, inappropriately pointing out each of their parent’s perceived negative ‘contributions’ to the family breakdown.
Ideally parents would work together to ensure a positive transition for their children from the current family to the new family dimension, whatever that may be.
Unfortunately, adults do not always act in an adult, responsible manner especially when they are under emotional pressure. Many parents have themselves had a difficult childhood with poor parenting models and do not have the life-skills to keep their children’s needs in positive focus.
This is where experts and dedicated professionals can help. Parents should be encouraged to seek help and not feel that they are failing or view it as an admission that they are poor parents. Organisations like mychildcontact.com a website dedicated to helping parents and children to work through family break-down and maintaining contact/access to the absent parent have a great deal of experience and can help to keep the parents focussed on the needs of their children.
As a starting point parents should:
• Reassure the children that they are not the reason for the problems and that they are not responsible for their parent’s difficulties.
• Recognise that the children will experience many emotional difficulties and will not necessarily have the experience to handle their emotions.
• Children will need a lot of un-reserved love from all of the adults, including grandparents and other close family members as they move through the feelings of loss and grief.
• Do not think that the older the child, the better they will cope or that they do not need as much support, age does not negate the pain.
• Be consistent and considered.
• Avoid discussing the adult issues in front of the children, but do keep them informed. This should be age appropriate and definitely not a place to ‘offload’ the adult frustrations or hurt.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a Writer, Investigator, Social Worker and Founder of the internationally acclaimed website www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.
Wednesday 22 June 2011
CHILD CONTACT FACILITIES INADEQUATE
ABSENT PARENTS NEED BETTER
CONTACT FACILITIES
There are many reasons why parents and their children are living apart. It could be because there are family proceedings in the courts and the children are taken in to the care system whilst the decisions about their future with the birth parents is decided. During these difficult times parents are expected to attend for contact with their children as, where and when, the social workers decide. Quite often the venues chosen are inaccessible. I have worked on cases where contact is organised to take place in a remote social work office well away from public transport routes. I’ve witnessed parents turning up fifteen minutes late to be told by a family aid, that contact has now been suspended because they have not shown ‘proper commitment’. Rarely is contact supervised by qualified social work professionals. The work of contact is seen as a secondary issue and more of an inconvenience for the professionals than the very important piece of work that should be used to help the family as a whole and underpin the child’s future knowledge of its family.
David and his wife Kim have twin sons. The boys were removed from the parents at four months for unexplained injuries. No contact was arranged and the parents instructed lawyers to fight the local authority for contact. Eventually it was agreed that Dad could have 3 hrs of contact once a month supervised by the social services and, as the children were placed with Mum’s parents awaiting the court outcome as to where the children could be safely placed, she could have weekly contact supervised by her parents.
For ten months Dad’s 3 hours of contact was supervised by eight different, unqualified, family support workers in a 12x12 social work office store room with few toys and poor changing facilities.
I’d like to say that this story is not the norm, but in my experience it certainly is.
CONTACT FACILITIES
There are many reasons why parents and their children are living apart. It could be because there are family proceedings in the courts and the children are taken in to the care system whilst the decisions about their future with the birth parents is decided. During these difficult times parents are expected to attend for contact with their children as, where and when, the social workers decide. Quite often the venues chosen are inaccessible. I have worked on cases where contact is organised to take place in a remote social work office well away from public transport routes. I’ve witnessed parents turning up fifteen minutes late to be told by a family aid, that contact has now been suspended because they have not shown ‘proper commitment’. Rarely is contact supervised by qualified social work professionals. The work of contact is seen as a secondary issue and more of an inconvenience for the professionals than the very important piece of work that should be used to help the family as a whole and underpin the child’s future knowledge of its family.
David and his wife Kim have twin sons. The boys were removed from the parents at four months for unexplained injuries. No contact was arranged and the parents instructed lawyers to fight the local authority for contact. Eventually it was agreed that Dad could have 3 hrs of contact once a month supervised by the social services and, as the children were placed with Mum’s parents awaiting the court outcome as to where the children could be safely placed, she could have weekly contact supervised by her parents.
For ten months Dad’s 3 hours of contact was supervised by eight different, unqualified, family support workers in a 12x12 social work office store room with few toys and poor changing facilities.
I’d like to say that this story is not the norm, but in my experience it certainly is.
Thursday 16 June 2011
Divorce Harms Children?
According to a recent survey carried out by Hyun Sik Kim a leading researcher at the University of Wisconsin, children are ‘permanently’ damaged by divorce. Kim says “Children of divorce experience setbacks in maths test scores and show problems with internalising behaviour. They are more prone to feelings of anxiety, loneliness, low self esteem and sadness”.
I don’t have a problem with this in general terms but I have to say that couples that stay together when it is clear that they are not compatible life partners I’m sure have an even greater part to play in their children’s emotional damage. Families living with domestic violence cause far more difficulties for children. A child subjected to years of hearing and sometimes seeing their parents being verbally and physically abusive to each other is internalised by children even if they are not in the same room. The fact that they can hear the arguing is enough to cause irreparable damage.
Divorcing and separating parents who put their children’s needs before their own can help their children to come to terms with the family break-up without any emotional damage. In fact, done properly the divorce may well help their children to achieve better results at school simply by removing the uncertainty about the family’s future.
Starting a divorce is a journey. Properly planning that journey is the most important part. Throughout there will be cross-roads, hazardous bends and steep hills. At each junction there will be decisions to make. The straight route will be the one with the least amount of stress and difficulty. Many divorcing couples use the children as pawns, using them against the spouse or partner. Statements like ‘if you do what I say you can see the children’, is firstly, not recognising the child’s right to have contact with their family members, and secondly, damaging the child’s development by putting them under unacceptable emotional pressure.
Remember that when you divorce you are not divorcing your children. A statement made to me by a distraught child was exactly that “I want to see my Dad but Mum says we’re divorced now”, tears streaming down her 7 year old face.
Being honest both with yourselves and your children is the best way to stay true to your course.
Ten tips for a positive divorce:
1. Have respect for the other person.
2. Go into each discussion with a real wish to make a positive advance.
3. Remember that when all the hurt has gone you have to live with your decisions. Making good, caring decisions is the best way to settle your conscience.
4. Difficult though it is, make every effort to maintain a civil relationship, this is especially necessary if you have children.
5. If the going gets tough, do not argue or discuss difficult issues in front of, or in the hearing of your children. Better to have these discussions away from the family home in a neutral venue.
6. Ensure that the children are kept informed of what is happening, but do not put them under pressure or use them as a sounding board.
7. Do not burden the children with the adult hurt.
8. Focus on what has worked not what hasn’t.
9. Look after yourself.
10. Be the best ex-partner and parent you can.
I don’t have a problem with this in general terms but I have to say that couples that stay together when it is clear that they are not compatible life partners I’m sure have an even greater part to play in their children’s emotional damage. Families living with domestic violence cause far more difficulties for children. A child subjected to years of hearing and sometimes seeing their parents being verbally and physically abusive to each other is internalised by children even if they are not in the same room. The fact that they can hear the arguing is enough to cause irreparable damage.
Divorcing and separating parents who put their children’s needs before their own can help their children to come to terms with the family break-up without any emotional damage. In fact, done properly the divorce may well help their children to achieve better results at school simply by removing the uncertainty about the family’s future.
Starting a divorce is a journey. Properly planning that journey is the most important part. Throughout there will be cross-roads, hazardous bends and steep hills. At each junction there will be decisions to make. The straight route will be the one with the least amount of stress and difficulty. Many divorcing couples use the children as pawns, using them against the spouse or partner. Statements like ‘if you do what I say you can see the children’, is firstly, not recognising the child’s right to have contact with their family members, and secondly, damaging the child’s development by putting them under unacceptable emotional pressure.
Remember that when you divorce you are not divorcing your children. A statement made to me by a distraught child was exactly that “I want to see my Dad but Mum says we’re divorced now”, tears streaming down her 7 year old face.
Being honest both with yourselves and your children is the best way to stay true to your course.
Ten tips for a positive divorce:
1. Have respect for the other person.
2. Go into each discussion with a real wish to make a positive advance.
3. Remember that when all the hurt has gone you have to live with your decisions. Making good, caring decisions is the best way to settle your conscience.
4. Difficult though it is, make every effort to maintain a civil relationship, this is especially necessary if you have children.
5. If the going gets tough, do not argue or discuss difficult issues in front of, or in the hearing of your children. Better to have these discussions away from the family home in a neutral venue.
6. Ensure that the children are kept informed of what is happening, but do not put them under pressure or use them as a sounding board.
7. Do not burden the children with the adult hurt.
8. Focus on what has worked not what hasn’t.
9. Look after yourself.
10. Be the best ex-partner and parent you can.
Monday 30 May 2011
Birth Parents Need Help.
Written by
Kenn Griffiths.
The very fact that a child has been adopted suggests that the birth parents were ‘bad people’ un-loving, not caring. Not so!
Over the years I’ve been involved in hundreds of adoptions. I was once a local authority adoption officer and I have an adopted daughter. In the vast majority of cases the birth parents I met and worked with absolutely wanted their child and had just as much love as any other parent. The problem was, usually, that for a host of reasons the birth parents were not capable of ensuring that their child was safe and well. Not because they wanted to harm the child but because their skills were not there. Sometimes this was due to mental health issues and sometimes it was simply due to the parent’s own early learning.
Julie, was in this category. At birth she was taken into care; by the time she was 7 she had been placed with six different sets of foster-parents. None of these were professionally trained and all failed to properly engage her. In one of the foster placements she was subjected to a regime that included her being put into a cold bath when and if she wet the bed. Social workers were well aware of this practice but failed to remove and protect her. She stayed in that placement for 13 months eventually being moved at 5 for her ‘bad behaviour’.
At 7 she was labelled as ‘disruptive’, placed in a children’s home with 11 other children ranging in age from 18 months to 15 years all with complex needs. She was then subjected to years of disruption, children coming, children going, not to mention the 16 changes of her social workers and 58 different members of care staff.
At 15 she was sexually assaulted by one of her residential care-workers, removed from the home she’d been in for 8 years and placed in an ‘out-of-county’ children’s home more than one hundred miles away from her home town.
At 16 she was forced to leave her care home and found herself living on her own in a run down area in a one room bed-sit. A social worker visited her once a month, but often didn’t bother. Here she met Keith. They had two children before they married at 20 and a third was born before they were 21. Julie had post-natal-depression. Without any extended family help or any idea of how families work, Keith and Julie lived in a volatile, physically abusive and brutal relationship, subjecting their children to continuous episodes of domestic violence often ending in one of their parents leaving the family home sometimes for weeks at a time.
Eventually social workers removed the children and placed them for adoption. It was accepted at the freeing for adoption hearing that both parents loved their children but did not have the skills to properly care for them.
Neither parent has seen the children since. Keith is now in another more stable relationship with no children. Julie at 26 had too much to drink one night, slept with a guy she can’t remember and is homeless and 7 months pregnant. She is adamant that she will hide from the authorities and keep her baby.
I wish I could say that this is an unusual set of circumstances but it’s not. This is happening everywhere.
In part it happened to my daughter and we insisted that she should have regular contact to her mother and birth family including her 5 siblings (we couldn’t track dad down).
It’s easy to dismiss birth parents but they too need help to come to terms with the adoption of their children.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
Kenn Griffiths.
The very fact that a child has been adopted suggests that the birth parents were ‘bad people’ un-loving, not caring. Not so!
Over the years I’ve been involved in hundreds of adoptions. I was once a local authority adoption officer and I have an adopted daughter. In the vast majority of cases the birth parents I met and worked with absolutely wanted their child and had just as much love as any other parent. The problem was, usually, that for a host of reasons the birth parents were not capable of ensuring that their child was safe and well. Not because they wanted to harm the child but because their skills were not there. Sometimes this was due to mental health issues and sometimes it was simply due to the parent’s own early learning.
Julie, was in this category. At birth she was taken into care; by the time she was 7 she had been placed with six different sets of foster-parents. None of these were professionally trained and all failed to properly engage her. In one of the foster placements she was subjected to a regime that included her being put into a cold bath when and if she wet the bed. Social workers were well aware of this practice but failed to remove and protect her. She stayed in that placement for 13 months eventually being moved at 5 for her ‘bad behaviour’.
At 7 she was labelled as ‘disruptive’, placed in a children’s home with 11 other children ranging in age from 18 months to 15 years all with complex needs. She was then subjected to years of disruption, children coming, children going, not to mention the 16 changes of her social workers and 58 different members of care staff.
At 15 she was sexually assaulted by one of her residential care-workers, removed from the home she’d been in for 8 years and placed in an ‘out-of-county’ children’s home more than one hundred miles away from her home town.
At 16 she was forced to leave her care home and found herself living on her own in a run down area in a one room bed-sit. A social worker visited her once a month, but often didn’t bother. Here she met Keith. They had two children before they married at 20 and a third was born before they were 21. Julie had post-natal-depression. Without any extended family help or any idea of how families work, Keith and Julie lived in a volatile, physically abusive and brutal relationship, subjecting their children to continuous episodes of domestic violence often ending in one of their parents leaving the family home sometimes for weeks at a time.
Eventually social workers removed the children and placed them for adoption. It was accepted at the freeing for adoption hearing that both parents loved their children but did not have the skills to properly care for them.
Neither parent has seen the children since. Keith is now in another more stable relationship with no children. Julie at 26 had too much to drink one night, slept with a guy she can’t remember and is homeless and 7 months pregnant. She is adamant that she will hide from the authorities and keep her baby.
I wish I could say that this is an unusual set of circumstances but it’s not. This is happening everywhere.
In part it happened to my daughter and we insisted that she should have regular contact to her mother and birth family including her 5 siblings (we couldn’t track dad down).
It’s easy to dismiss birth parents but they too need help to come to terms with the adoption of their children.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
Tuesday 19 April 2011
Adoption
We adopted our daughter in the UK when she was 7 prior to the adoption videos were made by us (we were also her former social workers) when she was with her mother and birth family. We also spent a lot of time building a life story book. Post adoption we encouraged her to have contact/visitation to her birth Mum 3 times a year. At 9 her mother was found dead. Our daugter who has learning difficulties and is now 21 has relied on the videos and story book to help her make sense of her background. My website http://www.mychildcontact.com has been designed with our experience of the needs of children to know their birth parents. It's really important.
Kenn Griffiths is an adoptive parent, social worker, founder of mychildcontact.com and a writer and is available for interview and comment.
Kenn Griffiths is an adoptive parent, social worker, founder of mychildcontact.com and a writer and is available for interview and comment.
Sunday 17 April 2011
Wednesday 30 March 2011
CHILD CONTACT WEBSITE MENTIONED IN PARLIAMENT
CHILD CONTACT WEBSITE MENTIONED IN PARLIAMENT
Staffordshire based international social website mychildcontact.com’s CEO Kenn Griffiths’ advice was sought by MP Charlie Elphicke to help his Bill to improve services for children missing out on contact with their children. The MP for Dover told the House about Kenn’s work and used case studies from the site’s forum.
Kenn believes that if you can get the best of experts and best practice in one place then many children would still be having quality contact to an absent parent.
Mychildcontact.com is Kenn’s answer to poor services and practice. The site is a one-stop-shop offering advice and experts including independent social workers who are not restricted by Local Government Financial restrictions.
Launched in January the site has had more than 140 million page impressions from Facebook Ads alone.
Kenn is available for interview.
Call 07831 612688 Or mail kenn@mychildcontact.com
View More on our site http://www.mychildcontact.com
Staffordshire based international social website mychildcontact.com’s CEO Kenn Griffiths’ advice was sought by MP Charlie Elphicke to help his Bill to improve services for children missing out on contact with their children. The MP for Dover told the House about Kenn’s work and used case studies from the site’s forum.
Kenn believes that if you can get the best of experts and best practice in one place then many children would still be having quality contact to an absent parent.
Mychildcontact.com is Kenn’s answer to poor services and practice. The site is a one-stop-shop offering advice and experts including independent social workers who are not restricted by Local Government Financial restrictions.
Launched in January the site has had more than 140 million page impressions from Facebook Ads alone.
Kenn is available for interview.
Call 07831 612688 Or mail kenn@mychildcontact.com
View More on our site http://www.mychildcontact.com
Monday 28 March 2011
Scottish Leader seeks Child Protection.
Gray seeks extra child protection
(UKPA) – 1 day ago
Efforts to protect children from sexual predators should be increased and research to address the issue should be commissioned, Scottish Labour leader Iain Gray has said.
Children's charity Barnardo's welcomed the call, which it said has been supported across the political spectrum.
Mr Gray said: "You can judge a society on the way it cares for its most vulnerable members, and we certainly need to do more to protect children from sexual predators.
"Often abuse happens in the home environment but with the expansion of the internet, increasingly we are seeing organised groups attempting to get access to children."
He said a Labour Scottish Government would ensure research was carried out, and that guidance on the issue was updated to address "legal changes and the impact of the internet".
Martin Crewe, director of Barnardo's Scotland, said the charity worked with more than 1,000 children across the UK in a year - including 92 in Glasgow and 25 in Dundee. He referred to a police operation in Derbyshire where a gang of men were convicted of a catalogue of offences against vulnerable girls who were preyed on and abused.
Mr Crewe added: "Sexual exploitation of children and young people is a shocking crime. Recent events in England have exposed tragic cases of vulnerable girls and boys, craving affection and attention, who are being groomed then used as sexual commodities.
"Many of the young people being abused in this way think it's love - but the perpetrators of this crime know it's business.
"Our services are aware of cases of child sexual exploitation across Scotland. We urgently need research to be conducted to identify the nature and scale of the problem in Scotland, to increase the awareness of sexual exploitation and to offer more effective protection to vulnerable children and young people.
"We have received fantastic support on this issue from right across the political spectrum, and welcome this recent call for action by Scottish Labour."
Copyright © 2011 The Press Association. All rights reserved.
(UKPA) – 1 day ago
Efforts to protect children from sexual predators should be increased and research to address the issue should be commissioned, Scottish Labour leader Iain Gray has said.
Children's charity Barnardo's welcomed the call, which it said has been supported across the political spectrum.
Mr Gray said: "You can judge a society on the way it cares for its most vulnerable members, and we certainly need to do more to protect children from sexual predators.
"Often abuse happens in the home environment but with the expansion of the internet, increasingly we are seeing organised groups attempting to get access to children."
He said a Labour Scottish Government would ensure research was carried out, and that guidance on the issue was updated to address "legal changes and the impact of the internet".
Martin Crewe, director of Barnardo's Scotland, said the charity worked with more than 1,000 children across the UK in a year - including 92 in Glasgow and 25 in Dundee. He referred to a police operation in Derbyshire where a gang of men were convicted of a catalogue of offences against vulnerable girls who were preyed on and abused.
Mr Crewe added: "Sexual exploitation of children and young people is a shocking crime. Recent events in England have exposed tragic cases of vulnerable girls and boys, craving affection and attention, who are being groomed then used as sexual commodities.
"Many of the young people being abused in this way think it's love - but the perpetrators of this crime know it's business.
"Our services are aware of cases of child sexual exploitation across Scotland. We urgently need research to be conducted to identify the nature and scale of the problem in Scotland, to increase the awareness of sexual exploitation and to offer more effective protection to vulnerable children and young people.
"We have received fantastic support on this issue from right across the political spectrum, and welcome this recent call for action by Scottish Labour."
Copyright © 2011 The Press Association. All rights reserved.
Sunday 20 March 2011
HIT THE BLUES WITH SOME BLUE SKIES
Getting out and about in the great outdoors has long been acknowledged as one of the best ways of dealing with life’s stresses. Everyone in the family can benefit from the healing and calming effect a stroll in the park or local woodland has on our psyche.
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
HIT THE BLUES WITH SOME BLUE SKIES
Getting out and about in the great outdoors has long been acknowledged as one of the best ways of dealing with life’s stresses. Everyone in the family can benefit from the healing and calming effect a stroll in the park or local woodland has on our psyche.
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
HIT THE BLUES WITH SOME BLUE SKIES
Getting out and about in the great outdoors has long been acknowledged as one of the best ways of dealing with life’s stresses. Everyone in the family can benefit from the healing and calming effect a stroll in the park or local woodland has on our psyche.
The traumas of step-parenting, divorce, family breakdown and difficult child access and contact can have on us doesn’t go away easily but getting back to nature seems to make us happiest and less stressed.
Park Life surveyed nearly 20,000 people in the UK and found that using green spaces was a good way to improve physical and mental health. The survey showed that 25% of the people visited a park to relax and think. 22% just went there for peace and quiet whilst 31% visited simply because they enjoyed the beauty of the surroundings, 44% wanted fresh air and 46% loved to walk. The survey hopes to encourage more people to join in with Love Parks Week (24 July to 1 Aug) Paul Bramhill, CEO of GreenSpace, says “Parks and green spaces benefit physical, mental and spiritual health.”
Dr William Bird of Natural England who already have a following of 40,000 people says “It has something to do with how we interact with nature. We feel happier, less worried, more engaged with what we are doing and more energetic”
Getting Involved
There are many walking groups around and a walk to your local library may well spur you into joining.
You can, of course, simply get the kids out and about without it being an organised event. There’s no excuse for not making the effort. Getting the children away from the computer and television is in itself worthwhile.
If you are an organiser why not come onto the mychildcontact.com’s forum and organise a walking event to support our petition to Government to have a dedicated Minister appointed solely for Child Contact and Access (see/join our petition http://bit.ly/esMUO4).
Monday 7 February 2011
Hit The Kids Experts 10 top tips.
It's not against the law in the UK to smack your children, but is it really necessary?
There is a school of thought that suggests that if physical chastisement is used then it must be because the parents has lost control or worse, lost their temper. I don't buy into this fully. There are times I'm sure when a tap on the back of the hand makes the point. My problem is the next stage or stages. A tap on the hand is a far cry from hitting your child. Any physical act that leaves a red mark is a step too far. Some children are extremely difficult to manage I know that from my own experience. But hard hitting does indicate a loss of parental control.
Laying down the law at an early age, making and keeping firm and fair boundaries is the best way to help your children attain adulthood and become good parents themselves.
Have look at the following ten tips. If you need any more help do visit our forums at http://www.mychildcontact.com
TOP 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS
1. When your child wants to show you something, stop what you are doing and pay
attention to your child. It is important to spend frequent, small amounts of time
with your child doing things that you both enjoy.
2. Give your child lots of physical affection – children often like hugs, cuddles, and holding hands.
3. Talk to your child about things he/she is interested in and share aspects of your
day with your child.
4. Give your child lots of descriptive praise when they do something that you would
like to see more of, e.g., “Thank you for doing what I asked straight away”.
5. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored so provide lots of
engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child, e.g., playdough, colouring
in, cardboard boxes, dress ups, cubby houses, etc.
6. Teach your child new skills by first showing the skill yourself, then giving your
child opportunities to learn the new skill. For example, speak politely to each
other in the home. Then, prompt your child to speak politely (e.g., say “please”
or “thank you”), and praise your child for their efforts.
7. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour. Sit down and have a family discussion
on the rules in the home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if
they break the rules.
8. If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them a clear instruction to stop
misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead (e.g., “Stop
fighting; play nicely with each other.” Praise your child if they stop. If they do not stop, follow through with an appropriate consequence.
9. Have realistic expectations. All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable
that you will have some discipline hassles. Trying to be the perfect parent can set
you up for frustration and disappointment.
10. Look after yourself. It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed,anxious, or depressed. Try to find time every week to let yourself unwind or do something that you enjoy.
There is a school of thought that suggests that if physical chastisement is used then it must be because the parents has lost control or worse, lost their temper. I don't buy into this fully. There are times I'm sure when a tap on the back of the hand makes the point. My problem is the next stage or stages. A tap on the hand is a far cry from hitting your child. Any physical act that leaves a red mark is a step too far. Some children are extremely difficult to manage I know that from my own experience. But hard hitting does indicate a loss of parental control.
Laying down the law at an early age, making and keeping firm and fair boundaries is the best way to help your children attain adulthood and become good parents themselves.
Have look at the following ten tips. If you need any more help do visit our forums at http://www.mychildcontact.com
TOP 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS
1. When your child wants to show you something, stop what you are doing and pay
attention to your child. It is important to spend frequent, small amounts of time
with your child doing things that you both enjoy.
2. Give your child lots of physical affection – children often like hugs, cuddles, and holding hands.
3. Talk to your child about things he/she is interested in and share aspects of your
day with your child.
4. Give your child lots of descriptive praise when they do something that you would
like to see more of, e.g., “Thank you for doing what I asked straight away”.
5. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored so provide lots of
engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child, e.g., playdough, colouring
in, cardboard boxes, dress ups, cubby houses, etc.
6. Teach your child new skills by first showing the skill yourself, then giving your
child opportunities to learn the new skill. For example, speak politely to each
other in the home. Then, prompt your child to speak politely (e.g., say “please”
or “thank you”), and praise your child for their efforts.
7. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour. Sit down and have a family discussion
on the rules in the home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if
they break the rules.
8. If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them a clear instruction to stop
misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead (e.g., “Stop
fighting; play nicely with each other.” Praise your child if they stop. If they do not stop, follow through with an appropriate consequence.
9. Have realistic expectations. All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable
that you will have some discipline hassles. Trying to be the perfect parent can set
you up for frustration and disappointment.
10. Look after yourself. It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed,anxious, or depressed. Try to find time every week to let yourself unwind or do something that you enjoy.
Saturday 15 January 2011
NO CONTACT NO ACCESS NOWHERE TO GO!
MISSING YOUR CHILD? CAN’T GET ACCESS?
Want to leave them a message they can read as adults?
I know what it is like when your side of the story isn’t being told. That’s why at mychildcontact.com we have the safe and secure LIFE STORY LEGACY. Here you can leave your story in words, pictures and film. You can scan in special features, family documents, your returned, un-opened letters.
Want to leave them a message they can read as adults?
I know what it is like when your side of the story isn’t being told. That’s why at mychildcontact.com we have the safe and secure LIFE STORY LEGACY. Here you can leave your story in words, pictures and film. You can scan in special features, family documents, your returned, un-opened letters.
Wednesday 12 January 2011
New Dads and Babies
Many new Dads haven't really been prepared for baby days and, unless they have a baby brother or sister have little or no experience of touching, holding and engaging a baby.
Pre-birth.
Bubble the Bump! Take a bath or shower with mum regularly, washing the bump with plenty of soothing soap bubbles and feeling the different shapes and size as the pregnancy develops gives a real sense of closeness to baby. After bathing wrap the bump and baby with a shawl or blanket that you will wrap baby in when it arrives and don't forget to cuddle mum.
Kiss baby through the bump. Give baby a good talking to. Getting your face and especially your lips up close and personal and talking and singing through the bump lets baby feel your vibrations and starts the bonding process.
Go to all of the scans and pre-natal visits. Get involved, ask questions. When the doctor/midwife feels around ask what they are feeling for and if you can follow their example and feel what they feel.
Plan your after birth responsibilities. Who's going to be the main carrer? Who's going to go out to earn the corn? Get the home ready and allow yourself the time to imagine and act out baby scenes. Well before baby is born get the house baby friendly get it warmed up for baby. It needs to be clean, tidy, organised and above all calm. Feng Shui can help here.
At the birth.
Be ever ready. Make a birthing bag up that you can grab and take with you. baby's blanket should be there along with something to read or do whilst you are waiting. Keep calm and reassuring for Mum.
Hands on, not hands off. Get that baby in your arms straight away. If you aren't sure about how to hold a tiny child get some time in beforehand if you can. Hold friends and family babies or practice with a doll or better still an age appropriate Teddy that you will give to baby.
At home.
Don't hand over the newborn to mum and expect her to 'get on with it'. Mum is no different than you. You are both natural baby makers, but parenting is a life learning skill. As with any skill you need time on the job so get stuck in. Understand that as parents you will make mistakes and have to change your position as you find what works best. It's been said that we are 'born with brain that is a ball of confusion and that what we are exposed to early in our lives sets us up for life'. Keep it calm, loving an happy.
Pre-birth.
Bubble the Bump! Take a bath or shower with mum regularly, washing the bump with plenty of soothing soap bubbles and feeling the different shapes and size as the pregnancy develops gives a real sense of closeness to baby. After bathing wrap the bump and baby with a shawl or blanket that you will wrap baby in when it arrives and don't forget to cuddle mum.
Kiss baby through the bump. Give baby a good talking to. Getting your face and especially your lips up close and personal and talking and singing through the bump lets baby feel your vibrations and starts the bonding process.
Go to all of the scans and pre-natal visits. Get involved, ask questions. When the doctor/midwife feels around ask what they are feeling for and if you can follow their example and feel what they feel.
Plan your after birth responsibilities. Who's going to be the main carrer? Who's going to go out to earn the corn? Get the home ready and allow yourself the time to imagine and act out baby scenes. Well before baby is born get the house baby friendly get it warmed up for baby. It needs to be clean, tidy, organised and above all calm. Feng Shui can help here.
At the birth.
Be ever ready. Make a birthing bag up that you can grab and take with you. baby's blanket should be there along with something to read or do whilst you are waiting. Keep calm and reassuring for Mum.
Hands on, not hands off. Get that baby in your arms straight away. If you aren't sure about how to hold a tiny child get some time in beforehand if you can. Hold friends and family babies or practice with a doll or better still an age appropriate Teddy that you will give to baby.
At home.
Don't hand over the newborn to mum and expect her to 'get on with it'. Mum is no different than you. You are both natural baby makers, but parenting is a life learning skill. As with any skill you need time on the job so get stuck in. Understand that as parents you will make mistakes and have to change your position as you find what works best. It's been said that we are 'born with brain that is a ball of confusion and that what we are exposed to early in our lives sets us up for life'. Keep it calm, loving an happy.
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