Separated Dads on Mother's Day

What to do when you have contact arranged on Mother’s day is, frankly, to step aside. As I would expect Mum to do on father’s day!

If not then make sure you recognise the day with the kids. Don’t let your hurt get in the way of their need to be involved with the hype surrounding Mother’s day.

As a way of using the day in a positive way why not devote some of the time to making Mum a gift or simply a card. You can buy card blanks from any reputable stationers or from one of the many craft shops. No matter what the age or ability of your children they can be encouraged to put their own thoughts and feelings into the activity. You should be the vehicle for their thoughts not yours.

Doing this type of activity will show the children that you and Mum can be talked about in a safe and positive way.

What you should not do is make the kids choose between their birth Mum and your new partner/wife. She is, at best, their step-mother. Don’t make her out as something other than this. If the kids themselves decide to ‘do something’ for her so be it, but don’t make too much of it and resist throwing it in Mum’s face if they do want to involve the step-parent element.

Likewise if you are Mum, don’t take the kid’s kindness to step-mum as a rebuke of you. You are Mum and no one can take that away from you. However, you can make it difficult for the children to treat you as such if you make it difficult for them to be honest with you. Even though it feels that you are being undermined you won’t be if you keep your own council and talk to your children about their step-mother or Dad’s partner in a positive, light hearted way. Children are innocent for the most part and want to please everyone. As they get older they will decide what is right and what is not. Don’t put them under pressure to make a decision that you want. They need to make an informed decision and to do this in their own time and with unbiased information.